Recycling Is A Good Thing

One nice things about blogging again was to go through my old posts and not be entirely disappointed by what I found. I.e. enjoying reading my own stuff.

Yes, I know.

Anyway I found this post and realised how much I liked it, and decided to put it again here for your enjoyment and to celebrate the new year.

Self-publication has its advantages.


 January smells good....

...depending on where you are of course. If in Camden it smells a lot like urine and weed. But that's an aside. It feels good to write '01' in dates - like a brand new start. It feels fresh and crisp, and tastes refreshing, like a snowflake on the tongue.

So why is it so traditionally depressing?
I guess the post-Christmas period plus New Year's is a bit of a clue.
The double whammy of pressure to have a nice time with your family and buy presents, plus the all too soon frying-pan-in-the-face of the end of the year, forcing you to reassess how your numerous life plans have turned out. Badly, almost 100% of the time.

Time moves back into play after getting so deliciously out of focus during the holidays.

Credit cards look more threatening than they used to.
Bathroom scales definitely get more use.
Hope slowly crumbles.

Is it that it?

Maybe January needs another chance. After the month of December where it is (theoretically) all about other people we should remarket January as the Month of Me. Time to relax, reboot, use those thousands of bath products we were given over Christmas etc. Focus on oneself to give those new hopes the best chance of working.

2010 was a bit of strange year for me. 2011 might be worse. But then again it might be better.

Hope is less crumbly. Now it feels more chewy, like gum.




Resolution #1
Work on better metaphors.

http://tonra.com/

 

 

 

 

Staggering Out From The Black Hole...

So I was going to post a lot earlier, about how I procrastinate about posting, but then I put it off for another day.

The universe, faced with such a closed loop of irony, swallowed me into a black hole, which is where I have been residing for the last few months.

And so that's why I haven't written in a while.

... as excuses go it probably needs some work, but at least it's original.

Anyhoo - when I started this blog, I sort-of promised to myself that I would never use it as a diary, so much as a respository for the slightly/moderately/oh-very-much-so insane musings cluttering up my mind. But unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to break this sort-of rule today.

----------------

I got some bad news earlier this week. It wasn't terrible news. It wasn't tragic.

There's something I've observed about tragedy - with what luckily little contact I've had with it - and that is that sometimes things are SO tragic, so horrific, so awful that your brain can't react. Instead some sort of safety fuse blows, and instead of your brain exploding, as it so logically should, it gets distant, protected by this strange, invisible, yet protective bubble.

Is it a protective mechanism? Or is it what occurs when we reach the boundaries of our brain, where it does not even know how to react?

Does the calculator of our mind - which adds and divides the hand dealt to us - refuse now to answer when '=' is pressed because it does not know the answer, or to stop itself exploding on realising the true nature of everything that is happening to us?

Ugh, my stomach is objecting to so many metaphors attempts.
I agree, Stomach - I will never use the phrase 'the calculator of our mind' again, unless I'm planning to make someone else a bit sick too.

Anyway, I ponder on this because the bad news I had was only that: bad news. Not tragic. Not horrific.
And it has made me so unhappy, and frustrated, and angry...
I wonder if it's because it's not that terrible. - it's simply disappointing.
And my brain - instead of finding the safety fuse - is simply too tired, and yells WHY ME???!!!!??

I am angry. I am really angry.
I think, in many respects, I have had all the trouble and pain I can take, and I think this news is really, really unfair.
I am angry, but not adult, flustery, pretending-to-be-reasonable anger.
I am toddler angry - the kind of anger not tempered by rhyme and reason.
I want to throw a tantrum. I want to throw all my toys out of the pram, and hit God in the eye.
I want someone else to hurt, but since no one else is there to blame, it looks like it's you, God.
Sorry.
Omniscence can't be all fun.

So... what does this all mean, this rambling nonsense?

I don't know.

I just know that something has happened in my life. Not tragic. Not terrible. But for the life of me I can't reason or analyse my way out of it. I don't know how to make it better. I don't know who to talk to, or what to buy myself, or what to tell myself. I suppose time will have to do, which is pretty deflating.

And I suppose, after all of that... that's life.
That's the most profound thing I can come up with.
It's pretty rubbish, so Descartes's in no immediate trouble.

I've got bad news. I'm upset.
It's bad now. But it will get better.
Be thankful it's not worse and be patient for the day when you not only think it, but believe it too.

And I suppose, most importantly, there's no such thing as a 'normal life'. They're all slightly extraordinary.

I don't know if it's true, but it sounds good, which, when you get to it, is a pretty good substitute for the truth.

January smells good....

...depending on where you are of course. If in Camden it smells a lot like urine and weed. But that's an aside.

It feels good to write '01' in dates - like a brand new start. It feels fresh and crisp, and tastes refreshing, like a snowflake on the tongue.

So why is it so traditionally depressing?

I guess the post-Christmas period plus New Year's is a bit of a clue.
The double whammy of pressure to have a nice time with your family, buy presents, plus the all too soon frying-pan-in-the-face of the end of the year, which forces you to reassess how your numerous life plans have turned out.
Badly, almost 100% of the time.

Time moves back into play after getting so deliciously out of focus during the holidays.

Credit cards look more threatening than they used to.

Bathroom scales definitely get more use.
..
.
Hope slowly crumbles.


Is it that it?

Maybe January needs another chance. After the month of December where it is (theoretically) all about other people we should remarket January as the Month of Me. Time to relax, reboot, use the thousands of bath products we were given over Christmas etc. Focus on oneself to give those new hopes the best chance of working.

2009 was a bit of strange year for me. 2010 might be worse. But then again it might be better.

Hope is less crumbly. Now it feels more chewy, like gum.




Resolution #1
Work on better metaphors.

http://tonra.com/

 

 

 

 

Step one: Turn over your brain and SHAKE!

Maria Bamford, an exceptional comedian, has a joke in which she describes her secret desire that one day one of those 'Changing Rooms/Queer Eye/How Clean Is Your House-type shows' would come along and clear out her brain for her.

They snark about how the place is stuck in the 80s, and pick through her things asking - 'Maria, why do you have a paralysing fear of helium balloons in here? Shall we get rid of that?'
'No, I need that,' she replies.

I love Maria Bamford.

Anyway, after years of thinking very hard about everything - rather curiously - I don't feel like I can think about anything, my brain is so clogged with inane thoughts.

So, here's my plan. Let's flush away the clogged up rubbish. Let's give the ol' brain a good scrub inside and out -
and where will that junk go?

Onto you, of course! On to the wasteland of the internet...


What a silly question.

x